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Dear God,

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Dear God,
Its your baby girl from Surulere, Lagos, Nigeria. West Africa. Africa. Earth.

I know you are there.
I know you always, always hear me.
Even if I whisper.
I'm sad. I'm clueless. I'm lost. I'm terrified. I'm tired.
But I know you know all these.
Because you are God.

Please don't leave me to myself.
I'm sorry if I may have run ahead of you, or deliberately lagged behind.
I'm sorry if I have become highminded of myself and pushed you aside.
I'm sorry if I haven't respected you at any time of my day.
I'm sorry for consciously ignoring all your beacons to come back to you.
I'm sorry for saying, thinking and doing what you've made clear that you don't like.
I'm sorry that when you looked down from Heaven and saw me, you couldn't smile.
I'm sorry for not making you proud.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.. I'm sorry...

I can't remember the last time I heard your Spirit talk to me.
I can't remember the last time I asked my best friend Jesus, what he would do in any situation.
I can't remember the last time I took time to genuinely thank you.
I can't remember the last time I felt genuine peace or joy or love.
I can't remember the last time I genuinely wanted to be in your presence.
All I remember are:
*Excuses of how busy I have become
*How I need you to hurriedly grant my request or the request of someone I present
*Sulking when what I want doesn't come through
*Sleeping off while reading my Bible or praying.
*Rating myself through the eyes of others and deluding myself that I am on a good moral compass.

Father?
Please help me.
Please forgive me.
Please have mercy on me.
Please restore me back to where you and only you want.
Please speak to me again.
Please reveal yourself to me again.

With love,
TheInspiredCutiee😭

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